Most of you reading this will have had a time in your life when your heart skipped a beat and you were excited around someone else. Perhaps it didn’t last that long but whilst it did, you were acutely aware of how your body felt when you thought about or were near that person.
We all notice when someone makes us feel excited to be with them, but often we don’t really pay attention to what our body is doing when we are around everyone else.
Many years ago I had a friend and neighbour who I liked very much and would sometimes spend time with. She would tell me that she loved being with me and always felt so much better afterwards. However, although I enjoyed her company, I always left her feeling totally drained and exhausted. At the time I didn’t realise what was happening. In fact it was someone else that pointed out that there was a transfer of energy going on between us – from me to my friend.
It is not just people that affect us this way. Places and things can do so too. In order to enhance your wellbeing it is important to be able to identify who or what adds value to your life and who or what detracts of brings unhappiness or stress.
Unfortunately, when it comes to identifying who is life enhancing and who isn’t, it can be difficult because most of the people you come into contact with, affect you in a very subtle way. In fact, sometimes things are not at all as you would expect.
I have a technique to help tune you into those subtle messages. It is fairly simple but can reveal some surprises…
Find some time when you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes and sit comfortably and quietly.
Step 1: As you sit, close your eyes and uncross your legs. Relax and concentrate on noticing how your body feels. Pay attention to how the chair supports your back, how your legs feel, the weight of your hands in your lap, your breathing, your heart rate and any other sensations your may feel.
Step two: Now think of a place that you love – this could be at home, somewhere you visit on holiday or went as a child. It needs to be somewhere you feel completely positive about. If there are any negative associations, think of another place.
Step three: When you have thought of your place close your eyes and continue to think of it, noticing how your body feels. What is your heart rate like? What about your breathing? What other sensations can you feel and where do you feel them? Just notice how it feels.
Step four: Return your thoughts to sitting in the chair and allow your body to settle again
Step five: Now think of something that is a problem for you. This could be a problem at home or at work, or a problem with a person. Again, close your eyes and notice what your body feels like. How is your heart rate now? What about your breathing? Is there anything else that you notice? Where in your body do you feel it and what does it feel like?
Now you have a base line for how your body feels for something you love (good)and something that is a problem (bad).
Often we use our heads to determine what we think about something, rather than fully appreciating how we feel about something on a deeper level. You can now use this base line to identify how you feel inside about a whole range of issues and people.
Step six: Close your eyes and think of one person in your life. Notice how your body feels. Does it feel like the good feelings or the problem ones? How extreme is it? The sensations will be similar, even if consciously we are unaware that the person makes us feel this way.
Do this for a range of people in your life and notice the results.
What I found doing this exercise myself was, much to my surprise, that a few of my close friends were actually not good for me. Thinking about them gave me those uncomfortable sensations despite there being no problems I could think of in the relationship. Conversely there were other people I spent less time with but who caused lovely sensations when I thought of them. My inner knowing or intuition was quite different to the conscious thoughts I had about those people.
Now you know who in your life is good for you and who may be having a negative impact. So what’s the next step?
You can now use this information to make decisions about how much time you spend with who, or find ways to lessen any negative impact. I appreciate that sometimes the people who bring stress can be close friends or family and I’m not suggesting that you never see them … however, you may choose to find ways to spend more time with people that enhance how you feel and less with those that pull you down.
It is also important to remember that there ARE ways to transform how you feel about certain people or situations. If you want to change how you feel about something or someone then get in touch today.
The more you are able to enjoy positive influences in life, the happier and healthier you will be! Increase your own feelings of wellbeing by boosting the positive and transforming how you feel about the negative influences in your life.